Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
