question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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