sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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