Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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