I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
