he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize