My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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