we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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