bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
