We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
