Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
