Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
