Just fell off a train. Bad.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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