An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
