I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
