xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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