i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
