I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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