I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
