broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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