dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
