I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
