Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
