Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
