i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You can't just leave with hair like that
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
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