Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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