so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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