im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
