I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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