I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
