Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
