I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
