Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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