did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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