remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize