...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
