no, he came in my armpit
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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