I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
