My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
