I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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