note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
