i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
