her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize