i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
