On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
