On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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