Reggie can tackle my bush.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
