I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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