Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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