I'm going to jail i love you
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
