But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
