The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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