I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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