no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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