What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
