Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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