That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
