Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
