I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
