did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
