Can i not drive my cunt home
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize