That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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