you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
