I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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