My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize