Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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