Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
