oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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