She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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