as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
