last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
