I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
